Raising and education

The performance of certain roles in the family guarantees its normal existence. The distribution of roles is between different members - parents and children, and each has to take on different responsibilities.

It is important to know that as parents we teach our children by personal example. It is in the family that a child's first relationships are formed, and we parents are the first role models and perception of the outside world.

The foundation on which the family is built is the family rules and the lack of these can lead to conflict. The normal functioning of a family can be disrupted by a lack of rules or by having too many rules.

The unfulfilled role n a parent is the lack of emotional and physical support for children, which in turn can lead to low self-esteem or behavior problems. Children judge the affection of their parents by how much time and attention they receive from them, and how interested they are in them. When he is six months old, the child begins to sense the atmosphere in the home - sensing every change in the parents' voice, moods and emotions.

Each member of the family occupies a particular role - child, brother, sister, grandchild, son-in-law or daughter-in-law, etc., and based on this, family expectations arise as to how these roles are to be fulfilled. It is important to always explain to children what their contribution to the family is and in this way parents are building future active and empathetic family members. Children expect care, belonging and acceptance, how to perceive the world by establishing acceptable and unacceptable behaviours, respect for their individuality and support in making independent decisions. This is how authority is built within the family - the key to good parenting. The way to build parental authority is through respect, affection and understanding of children and attention and empathy for their feelings and interests.

Have you asked yourself questions as a parent like:

Why do I act this way in my relationship to my child? Is my decision right in a certain case? Have I been too strict a parent? What parenting model is correct? There are four parenting behaviors that have been developed by different types of parenting. Three of them were defined in the late 1960s by Diana Baumrind, an American clinical psychologist. They are authoritarianism, tolerance and authoritarianism. The fourth is disinterestedness and was added in the 1980s by psychologists Eleanor McCombie and John Martin of Stanford University.

Through coercive methods such as regulating the child's activities, threats or physical punishment, authoritarian parents emphasize the exercise of authority and strict compliance with their instructions. Communication is basically one-way - parent-child. This type of parent does not explain the reasons for their behaviour. This inculcates in the child blind obedience to authority or a strong urge to resist at a later stage, insecurity, low self-esteem, lack of independence.

The second style is authoritative. In this style, in a democratic way, there are rules that are expected to be followed by the child. Authoritative parents know how to listen to the child, encourage him, know when they can say no. Parents are supportive, nurturing and principled in their decisions. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, not punitive. This teaches children independence, good self-control, and result orientation.

The tolerant parenting style is characterized by fewer demands on children's behavior, and very often the parent's role is that of a friend. Very often rules are either not set or not followed. Parents do not know much about their children. This breeds low self-control and insecurity in children. It is due to the fact that most of the parents have expectations from the child to only build and regulate his behavior.

Disengagement - a disengaged or neglectful parenting style is the least conducive to a child's future development. The characteristic of this style is complete disinterest in the child's inner world, his experiences, which makes children feel insignificant and lack good self-esteem. Parents often change their moods, are labile, coldness in relations is observed. Very often they do not know how to care for their children and are helpless, apathetic and indifferent. The children, in turn, show indifference both to their appearance and to their relations with others, they lack goals , feel fear or show antisocial behaviour.

As you read through this material, it is good to ask yourself some of the questions at the beginning. Surely each of you has a prevailing style of behavior as a parent. It is good to be flexible about styles. For example, with children of different temperaments in the same family, it is possible to have different parenting styles.

In order to develop your children's self-esteem it is necessary to develop your own self-esteem. Be ready for change!

If this topic raises questions in you, you find it difficult to define your style, do not hesitate to contact the NATIONAL TELEPHONE LINE FOR CHILDREN by dialling 116 111. Don't delay! We will listen and support you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

To be a successful parent you need to build a very good relationship with your children that is based on love, honesty, mutual trust and respect.

This is the way or method of positive parenting, which is the opposite of the strict parenting approach when you are stressed out and making quick decisions under stress. If the method is of interest to you as a parent, you can check out our working recommendations:

When you are with your child or children, be natural, be their playmate and forget everything that worries you Learn to make time for your child. A child feels loved and important when he hears, for example, something like, "Tomorrow is our day for sports," or "We're at your favorite pizza place on Saturday." Whatever activity you have together is important for building a healthy relationship between you It is better to encourage good behaviour than to accentuate bad behaviour A way to show your affection to your child might be to interrupt a phone conversation with the explanation " See you later, I'm with my child now" or "I won't be at the event until tonight, I'm with my daughter at the children's birthday party!" Set the child realistic achievable expectations and in this way, the likelihood of achieving them is much greater With a calm tone, explain to the child that his bad behaviour will lead to consequences different from his expectations

The positive parenting method works, you just have to try!

The difference in parenting styles adversely affects children. Remember that your behavior as parents will serve as building blocks for your child's behavior.

Whatever disagreements you have with your partner about the upbringing of your child, it is good to condemn them in private. Be natural and sincere in communicating with your child and do not allow there to be scenes of disagreement between you. In case the child witnesses such scenes, then a dilution or collapse of the parents' authority and values takes place. This also gives a wrong signal to the child that it is not important whether a proposal is good and can be defended, but what is important is whether you will be able to enforce it in any way.

When you make a joint decision as parents, even if it doesn't appeal to your child, they feel that you are holding on to them and they feel safe. Otherwise, the child develops manipulative behavior and quickly orients toward the more yielding parent.

If this topic raises questions in you, you recognise yourself or someone you know who is having difficulties raising their child, don't hesitate to contact the NATIONAL CHILDREN'S PHONE LINE by dialling 116 111. Don't delay! We will listen and support you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

It's important to talk to your children about how their day went, what they like and what they don't like. It is good to alternate talking with active listening - the child should be stimulated to talk. Then effective parent-child communication happens.

Sometimes listening helps more than the many questions a parent asks their child - for example, picking them up from kindergarten, sports or school. In this way, parents can understand the child's thoughts, worries and interests.

In some cases, children may use words they do not know when asking a question. Explain it to them according to their age. To feel significant and loved, children expect support from their parents. Communicate clear expectations of children and respond in a timely manner.

Communication can be verbal or non-verbal. A strong message and way to motivate and support can be eye contact, a smile, a light touch or a sign - for example a wink, a thumbs up, a clap.

We believe that change is part of human development. Before you talk to your child, think like a parent - how you communicate with your partner, friends or colleagues. Do you hear what they are saying, do you interrupt them, are you focused in the conversation, do you show empathy. Now tell yourself - I am a parent! This is my child!

Very often, without wanting to, it is possible to interrupt the child, to try to impose your opinion or desire over him. Then you are not having a conversation and the communication is one-way. The foundation for good parent-child communication is building trust, calm and empathy.

Problems in the child's behaviour are very often a sign of unmet needs in the child's development or of a new situation to which the child does not know how to react.

For every child's behavior there is a reason, the important thing as parents is to clarify it. Try together with the child to understand what provoked this change in his behavior. In some cases, it may be an incorrect parental approach - lack of support, excessive control, punishments disproportionate to the child's behavior. Control of the child should always be demanding, not coercive. In this way the child will perceive the rules from his parents as legitimate.

The reason may also lie in the environment in which the child lives and the patterns of behaviour that are imposed on him. Another possible reason is that children, depending on their age, lack key skills for effective communication.

Let the child tell you what provokes his bad behavior, then together you can find a solution how to cope. In case you are unable to find out the reason from your child, ask someone who is an authority figure to help you - a grandparent, uncle or coach. You may also want to seek a specialist in children's mental health before your child's behaviour becomes unacceptable. As parents, avoid behavior patterns that are components of anger. And never punish your child for unacceptable behavior on one occasion, and on another similar occasion, encourage them for the same behavior.

Behavioral problems in children are also seen as they move through the ages, when a second child is born into the family, when parents separate, when they move to another school, city or state.

Remember that in some cases, the manifestation of aggression, for example, is a manifestation of character. When this cause is clear, it is good to channel this energy through sport.

Do not hope that children will outgrow their difficult character on their own. So be consistent, patient, open, and empathetic as you build good and healthy habits. Be willing to learn and change yourself - your emotions and desires. Your behavior as parents can develop children's potential and be the foundation for building on their future behavior.

If this topic raises questions in you, you recognise yourself or someone you know, don't hesitate to contact the NATIONAL TELEPHONE LINE FOR CHILDREN by dialling 116 111. Don't delay! We will listen and support you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Coming soon!

The extended family

By extended family we mean parents, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles or other close relatives. Good relationships and emotional ties are important, but sometimes conflict situations arise between parents and grandparents regarding the upbringing of the child, allowing some freedoms that the parents are against.

It is important to know that over-caring for children is almost as harmful as lack of care. Therefore, our recommendation is always to discuss with the parents the child's regime, feeding, time in front of the computer or watching TV. You should not allow large deviations because this confuses children.

The advantages of the extended family is mutual support. Interfering in any way and imposing understandings of what is better for the child, as well as criticism of the parents are not desirable. Do not put the child in a situation of choosing the adults who are important to him and questions like " Where do you like it better ?"

Digital devices are a part of our everyday lives and of course, it's only natural that children take an interest in them.

The role of parents is to regulate their use and gradually build children's skills in how to use them properly and safely. In this way, digital technology can be accepted by children as a wonderful tool for learning and fun.

For children it is important to encourage activities related to sport, time spent with them as parents, talking, support, skill building, experiential learning - for example telling your child about a historical character - in natural words.

Spending a lot of time in front of the screen of digital devices can lead to undesirable consequences on the physical and mental state of the child, as well as harbouring dangers.

We are pleased to present to you the Rules for Safe Internet, which have been developed by the State Agency for Child Protection in partnership with the General Directorate for Combating Organized Crime, the National Center for Safe Internet, the Ministry of Education and Science, the Regional Department of Education - Sofia-City, heads of educational institutions from the Union of Employers in the System of National Education in Bulgaria, the Association of Directors of Secondary Education in Bulgaria.

You can get acquainted with them from the following link:

RULES TO BE SAFE ON THE WEB | State Agency for Child Protection (government.bg)